he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
