thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
