You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Randomize
