Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize