for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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