I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
