Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
