We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
