he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
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