Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Randomize
