we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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