omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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