He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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