How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
