she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Will you blow on my dice?
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I just found a bag of teeth...
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
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