Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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