There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize