When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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