oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
