i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
