I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Randomize
