All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
