Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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