omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦â€
Randomize
