She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
We got so high we made milksteak
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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