Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
