what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
