So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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