so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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