I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize