is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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