the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
