I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
