I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
