hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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