plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
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