Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
