I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I FOUND THE LEGS
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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