Dude my mom stole all your condoms
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
