i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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