I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
