Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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