Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
