$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Randomize
