I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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