The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
