How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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