I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
