were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
