R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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