Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
