Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
