does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Randomize
