I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
