1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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