I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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