It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
