why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
