I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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