i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
