you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
