Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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