Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
