I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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