I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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